Over the course of the 18 years of my life God has blessed me with six wonderful younger siblings. He has also seen fit to bring into the world some brothers and sisters that I never had a chance to meet- children who, though never brought, writhing and crying, into this world, were still, for the precious few weeks of their enwombed lives, my precious siblings- a gift of God.
It’s a wild thing knowing that for some weeks at certain periods of my life I had another sibling on this earth- a sibling whom I never met, whom I never even saw. I don’t know if this sibling would have been a rambunctious little brother growing up amongst perpetual swordfights, bandages, and dirt, or perhaps a little princess for my brothers and I to coddle and protect. I don’t know if this sibling would have been tall or strong or smart, what color his hair would have been, what his laugh would have sounded like.
I do know this, for each of them: I shall go to them- they will not come back here to me.
I look forward to meeting them.
A couple times, after these bittersweet moments of loss, we as a family commemorated the occasion by taking a balloon and tying little notes to the string.
We released it into the sky- a little farewell, a memorial, a funeral, a celebration.
So I have special attachment to this little project that I was blessed to score last week- a project that connects with me in a way that is more than coincidental:
I don’t believe in coincidences.
As I think about this piece of music, it reminds me so much of our babies that we never met- the simple, childish expectation- the bittersweetness- the climax that just barely begins to explore all that the music could have been and then disappears, waiting to be discovered on another distant day- the incomplete beauty- the emptiness of a work that was never realized in its fulness, and yet was worth every moment of its short life, something that could have been so much more, and yet was perfect in its incompletion, in being everything that it was written to be.
So I dedicate this piece of music to those siblings whom I never met.
We’ll meet soon enough, beloved.